I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
