So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
