What a fucking waste of an outfit
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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