the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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