So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
