i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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