I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize