I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
