i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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