wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize