I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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