remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
