if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
