Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
