u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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