I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You may now shotgun with the bride
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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