I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize