9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
