"it" just moved
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize