I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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