Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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