You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
