ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
