A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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