Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
