I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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