I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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