I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize