Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
