It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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