girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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