i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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