STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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