so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
