Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize