Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
