there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize