worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
