Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize