Pappa wants mamma naked
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
