shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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