She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
