I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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