I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
