don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
