She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
