This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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