Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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