I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
