i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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