He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
