i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
