I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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