Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
