my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
