I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
