Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
