he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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