I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
