My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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