He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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