he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
