There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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