She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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