Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize