who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this boner is exhausting
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize