yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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