he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
