Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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