I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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