if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
