you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
