she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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