The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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