2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
